In A Nutshell

The universe used to be so small.  It used to consist of only three stars in the night sky,  the trees in my backyard and my thoughts-  my thoughts that never could recognize themselves.  Somewhere between the peace of being absolutely still  and the speed of which I'm always moving,  my thoughts present themselves over and over again-  and I realize, that amidst my intermittent nature, there is much for me to be gentle for. From the moment I get up out of bed, with my eyes partially half closed, face swollen, morning breath, and walking reflexively to the restroom  posed like a zombie- to the minute I leave the restroom, face washed, teeth brushed, and straight to the coffee pot, where my real morning routine starts, with a complex personal self-served coffee order, that I computatively go through without error, as I'm thinking my thoughts and thinking no thoughts-  thoughts that don't recognize themselves. The universe now consist of my int...

The dichotomy of time is my most loved concept. Time is such a mysterious reality, a realistic mystery, it does not lie but it eludes you- every single moment. It's reality but it's never truth. Somehow, that's more romantic to me than the red roses I received on valentines day in 2019. Somehow, this concept of time that keeps taking away my life simultaneously keeps me insatiable; for I keep ending back to it, no matter where I choose to start. Have you ever gone back and read things you wrote more than 3 years ago, exchanges you had, poems you kept, and little subliminal messages archived into your stories? I do. I went back and read messages I had in an old account with another account that has already ceased to exist. Our messages remain- little words of pain, truth, confessions, and lies. I realize I cannot see myself typing the same words ever again. I am not that person anymore. The memory is so far and detached from who I've become that it does not feel like I...