Retrograde
I have never really been the type to have a crisis. I may fake it a lot, act dramatic and proclaim "I quit!" but the truth is, I have always known what the next step was even when I didn't know what that step led to. I've also never allowed anything outside of myself to make my decisions for me, for most of them are ones I cannot afford to regret. It was a strict program yes, but it was efficient and reliable because I understood the environment I have inhabited for my entire life: academia. Today, I don't even recognize the structure of my mind anymore. It has been two months since I graduated and I wish I could say it's been awesome, but honestly, it has been scary and uncertain. I cannot build my life around uncertainty and guesswork. But alas, every single factor of my life, from career to family to relationship, is uncertain at this moment. I am struggling to separate emotions for them accordingly. They bleed into each other inside me. There is no struc...