In A Nutshell

  A comprehensive poem of all my traumas- so that I may start letting them go... On the other side of yesterday when I didn't know love, I loved wholeheartedly. I laughed the loudest, and only knew a childlike cry of pain. Just like a bird that hadn't left the nest,  I lived only seeing the walls of my comfort zone, and then suddenly- I was dropped down the nest  except-  I'm not a bird.  I was a little girl, a whole human being  a child who had never known the pain of being dropped  much less the pain of landing. Years later, I realize that being dropped did hurt more and lastingly,  than the landing that lasted momentarily. Years later, I would realize that I consistently re-live free fall sensory experience. Years later- I still wouldn't let myself hit the ground, still refusing to land. PTSD. On the far side of yesterday when I haven't known joy, I was ecstatic.  I lived in a state far from the current state of home, I made lifelong friends and learned lifelong

     I learned a new word yesterday. Onism. The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time. Imagine standing in front of a departure screen at an airport, and your eyes flicker over the strange place names, routes, and destinations, each representing one more thing you'll never get to see before you die- and all because, as the screen would helpfully point out, you are here. I think that's beautiful.       Maybe not the frustration, but the awareness of how little of the world you'll ever experience, and how very important it is to make sure you actually experience your present, lest you miss out on that too. I am very human, I am never able to generalize my preferences and interests. I may pinpoint a moment and say everything that I liked, preferred, and was interested in, in that moment. But in the next moment, all of that could change. What a fancy way to say "I am inconsistent"... There's beauty in change, there'